Does Anyone Even Care About Our Money but Me?

Speaker A00:00:27

You ever feel like you're carrying your family's entire financial future by yourself? You're the one planning the budget. You're the one thinking about the bills. You're the one trying to make progress.And meanwhile, your spouse is completely not interested. Your kids aren't even listening. And the weight of all that's sitting on your shoulders alone. I hear you.Nothing feels heavier than being the only one who's trying. But here's the truth most people miss. Money touches everyone in the house, whether you talk about it or you don't. And unity.Hey, unity beats a perfect plan every single time. But here's the good news. Your family doesn't have to be perfectly aligned. They just need to be invited.Let's talk about how to do that gently, wisely, and most importantly, how to do it effectively. That's what I'm going to cover on today's show. Welcome to the show. I'm Ralph.Thank you so much for joining me as we continue our journey to help you break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence. And a listener asked me, say, ralph, I'm trying to make progress, but I'm doing it all alone. My spouse isn't. My spouse doesn't care.My kids don't care. How do we actually get on the same page? Listen, I've been there. And friend, if you're feeling the same way, you're not failing. You're just exhausted.Marriage counselors will tell you this. Money conflict is one of the biggest stressors in the home. I've seen it in my own life, in my own practice.Money is one of the things that destroys relationships. But let's get into scripture right off the jump here.Scripture, remind us in the book of Amos, three, three do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so. I love that verse. When a family doesn't agree, one person ends up dragging the weight alone. You might be that person right now.That person often is you, but doesn't have to stay that way. And for decades, I've helped families rebuild unity around money. Here's what I've seen. Unity comes through gentleness, not pressure.If you think you're going to pressure somebody into it, listen to the rest of the episode. Because it's not going to work. And your kids, they thrive when they're included, not when they're lectured.Man, I've learned that with my teenage now. My kids are in their 20s now. But man, lecturing isn't going to work. Nothing.I've learned those small rhythms, that gentle beat Will beat those big rules every day. And listen, the home becomes calmer when everyone participates, even if it's just a little. You don't need a perfect family.You just need a willing family. And that willingness will grow when it's nurtured, not when it's demanded. See, that's the thing a lot of people don't understand.When you demand it, it's not going to grow. There's one family I'll never forget. They wanted to make this change. They wanted to change this dynamic.They started something they called the money huddle. I love this idea. This is 20 minutes a month every person shares. One win and one goal for the month.No lectures, no blaming, just sharing and listening. Did you hear what I just said? No lectures, no finger pointing, no blaming. Just sharing and listening. That's what they did. That money huddle.You know what happened? It wasn't magic. It took a little time. But arguments dropped. Empathy rose. They understood each other.Teamwork became the default and the progress that they wanted to get finally stuck. That transformation didn't come from rules. It came from rhythm. So here's the real question for today.How do you move from carrying a whole load alone to walking together in peace, in unity, and in shared responsibility as a family? Let me break it down for you. Here are what I call the four family unity builders. Number one, I love what this client did.Schedule a family money meeting. Unity is never going to happen by accident. It happens when you create space for it. So. So here's my goals for that. Keep it short.Listen, this is not a two hour discussion. 15 to 20 minutes at the most. Start there. Keep it safe. Like I said, no blaming, no shaming, no lecturing, no finger pointing. No.I can't believe you did that. That's not going to work. You got to make it safe. You got to make it inviting. Keep it consistent.That's another thing a lot of people say, well, I'm going to have this meeting, Ralph. They do it one time and then they never do it again. They wonder why nobody's on the same page. Well, we forgot to meet. Set some consistency up.At least once a month, maybe even once a week. But make it shorter. And like I said earlier, keep it simple. Just one win and one goal.Because if you have this laundry list of stuff, people are going to zone out. That meeting creates a container. And I just want you to envision this right now. Without that container, conversations feel chaotic, intense.But this one habit can change the atmosphere of your home. So that's the first Thing. Second thing, you gotta share vision, not just rules.I don't know about you, but when somebody says to me there's rules, what does that feel like? It feels like control. You want to control me? We're going to battle. But if you can share with me a vision, here's what I want to see us get to.Here's what we want to do as a family, here's what we want to do as a couple. That vision feels like an invitation. It's like, ralph, I want you to come in and join me in this.So speak in terms of the peace that you're going to feel. Speak in terms of the freedom that you can see. Speak in terms of generosity and tie that all into your family value.Say things like this, here's what we're working towards as a family. Because when people understand the why, they're finally willing to support the how. Because that's what you got to do. You got to change a dynamic.They need to understand the why and then they're going to support the how you do it. Number three thing, involve the children in small stewardship if you haven't learned it already.It took me a long time beating my head against the wall. Kids don't learn through lectures. I tried that so many times with my kids. I lectured them.I should have been a college level professor with the amount of lecturing I was doing. But they weren't hearing me. But what they do hear through is experience. Try these simple things, simple chores.Give them a simple allowance when they do it. Teach them the three jar method, give, save and spend. Let them make choices, but at the same time let them make mistakes.So many parents don't understand that you got to let your children make small mistakes. Those small mistakes will be found fundamental in making better decisions later. And parents listen. And I'm talking to myself right now.Celebrate that wisdom. Don't shame them when they make mistakes. When they make errors, they're going to make mistakes. They're going to make errors.Because here's the thing I will tell you, being 30 years in practice, when kids learn stewardship early, they grow into adults who are make wise decisions naturally. And see, that's the outcome that you want. That lecture is never going to do it.But when you teach them the fundamentals, over time, you encourage them, you teach them how to do it, they make wise decisions and they come naturally. And last but not least, write agreements down and review monthly. Now, I'm not saying go write a fundamental contract.That's not what I'm Saying, but you got to have clarity. If you have clarity, it prevents conflict down the road. So here's what. And it doesn't have to be this big long dissertation.Just write down your top three monthly priorities. Maybe for you, that's giving. You want to make sure as a family, you're giving. It doesn't have to be money. It can be time. It could be other things.Maybe for you, it's saving. You as a family you want to save. Write those priorities down. Write those goals down. Maybe for you, as a family, you're in this.I need to live in the need season right now. But. But I. But I want these things, but I got to live in the need season.Maybe for you it's spending limits, but when you put these things in writing, nobody's guessing anymore. Nobody can say, oh, I didn't know that. That is so. I've seen that happen so many times. When I do some couples, I'll call it couples counseling.It's kind of like couples financial counseling. They didn't write it down. The other couple, the other partner will say, well, I didn't know that. Write it down.Because that documented agreement will build trust and eliminates resentment before it even forms. You don't want resentment in this. If you have resentment, stop what you're doing and start over again, because it's not going to work.Look at the book of Psalms 133, verse 1. How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity. I just love that. Good and pleasant when God's people live together in unity.What is the Lord telling us? Unity isn't just practical, it's deeply spiritual. That's the goal. So, Lord, how about we pray right now?Lord, give me humility to listen, not just lead. Lord, give me patience as I teach and model stewardship to my family.Lord, I just ask that you would draw our family together in unity and understanding. And I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.Okay, here's what I want you to do before January 1st, get your calendars out and schedule that first family money meeting with a very simple agenda. It's going to be super simple. One win, one goal. And then agree on the top three priorities for next month. That's all I want you to do.Not some big, long agenda. Just one win, one goal. And the top three parties for next month, just one meeting. It can change the tone of your entire year.Another thing I'd like you to do. I'd love you to join our private group. It's called the financiallyconfidentchristian.com group.You can get to it by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/join. Because here's the thing I'm going to tell you right now. You don't have to do this alone and neither should your family.And we've got an organization there. It's growing. You know, if you go there now, we're just. We're just building up. We want you to come and join it again.That's at financiallyconfidentchristian.com/join. You're not meant to carry your family's financial future alone.God can build unity when there has been division, peace where there has been pressure and listen to me. And connection where there has been silence. Just one small meeting, one gentle invitation can open the door to a huge transformation.I've seen it in people that I've worked with. I've seen it in my own family. So go out there today and be a financially confident Christian. You can do this.Your family needs you to build this unity. Stay financially savvy. God bless you. And I'll see you on the next show.