Teaching Kids About Money When You Can't Give Them Everything

Teaching Kids About Money When You Can't Give Them Everything

You know that quick, quiet look of disappointment when you say no, and it hits you hard. Suddenly, it’s not about a toy, a trip, or a pair of shoes. It’s about an overwhelming feeling within: "Am I not enough? I should be able to give them more." If you've ever carried that guilt as a parent, this message is for you. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad provider; it can actually mean you’re a wise one. 

Hey, friend! I'm Ralph Estep Jr. Welcome to "Financially Confident Christian," where every day we strive to break the cycle of financial shame and do it confidently. Today's topic resonates deeply with me, especially since my wife and I recently learned we're going to be grandparents. The first thing she said was, "Our grandchild will get everything they ever wanted." But I had to pause and remind myself that teaching them well when we can’t give them everything is crucial.

As parents, we desperately want to give our children everything, but that might not be the best answer. Let's dive into a listener question that captures this perfectly: 

"Ralph, every time I say no to my kids, it feels like I'm failing them. The guilt is crushing. How do I set boundaries without feeling like a bad parent?"

I get it. My boys are now grown, 24 and 28, and reflecting on their childhood, I realize I didn’t give them everything they wanted. Our job isn't to fulfill every wish but to prepare them for life's challenges. The key is distinguishing between needs and wants. Kids don't automatically know the difference, so it’s our job to teach them.

Identifying Needs vs. Wants

Explain to your children that needs are food, shelter, clothing, safety, and love—essentials that must be met. Wants are upgrades, trends, extras. Saying no to a want actually safeguards your family’s stability, which is a provision, not a failure.

Replacing Guilt with Teaching Moments

Instead of saying, "We can't afford it," try, "We're choosing something more important right now." Show them trade-offs, like choosing between a small treat now or a planned trip later. These are valuable teaching moments. My mother once gave me a piggy bank and taught me the value of saving. Instilling these practices helps children understand long-term thinking.

Models and Moments

Teach lessons in work ethic and patience by giving your children ownership. Create a savings jar and offer small chores for them to earn money. My youngest went so far as to draft a menu of services he’d provide in exchange for money. Matching their effort with savings teaches them the importance of working for goals and delaying gratification, crucial for character building.

Model Peace, Not Panic

Kids absorb more than we realize. If every "no" feels filled with shame or panic, they might associate fear with money. Instead, calmly communicate. Let them see stability and steadiness in your responses. They will remember how the home felt—secure and full of love.

The Bigger Picture

The toys, the shoes, the latest gadgets—these will fade. But the lessons of love and life skills you teach will last. Provision isn’t measured in packages but in stability and love. Boundaries are love in action. Next time you say no, add a teaching moment. Reframe the situation not only for them but for yourself, breaking the cycle of guilt.

I’m reminded of Proverbs 22:6, which says, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it." It reinforces that shaping character and wisdom matter more than satisfying every request.

Let's pray together: 

Lord, you've entrusted these children to us. When guilt rises, remind us that provision is more than purchases. Give us wisdom to teach patiently and courage to set loving boundaries, creating homes that feel steady and not strained. Let our children grow up knowing we provided what truly mattered. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

You’re not failing; you're forming them. I invite you to send in questions or leave a voicemail at financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question. Thanks for joining me today—stay financially savvy. May God bless you, and have a wonderful day!