Should Couples Combine Finances? What Are the Pros, Cons, and Biblical View?

Speaker A00:00:00

One account or two? Now, that question sounds simple, but for a lot of couples, it's not so simple. Because money isn't just a math equation. It's about trust.It's about control. It's about history. And hey, for a lot of couples, it's about fear. And before you even realize it, a question about bank accounts turns into distance.Friend, if this topic feels loaded in your relationship, well, let me tell you right now, this episode is for you. You're not wrong in feeling cautious, and you're not failing. You're trying to protect something that matters.So let's talk about what really matters first, here's the question we're answering today. Should couples combine finances? And here's my promise for you.By the end of the episode, you're going to know what matters more than one or two accounts. I'm going to tell you about the real pros and cons.And basically, bigger than all those things, I'm going to tell you how to move forward with unity instead of pressure. Today's not about rules. It's not about guilt. It's just about wisdom and peace. Hey, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here.Welcome to Financially Confident Christian, where we're learning how to walk through life and money with wisdom, with peace, and with a heart anchored in God's truth.My mission every day is to help you break the cycle of financial shame and build those steady habits deeply rooted in faith, and really become a financially confident Christian. And I'm so glad you're here today. Now, yesterday we talked about the connection between teamwork and debt. We didn't talk about blame.And we talked about how once couples start working as a team, this question comes next. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Because this feels more emotional than debt for some couples.And that says, what do we do about sharing our information? Because today isn't about pressure. It's just gentleness. And listen, before I get too deep, there's no one size fits all approach to this.So let's approach it gently. And here's a question that I hear all the time, Ralph, should we combine our finances or is it okay that we haven't?Let me tell you right now, I hear that question probably ten times a week. And that question matters, doesn't it? Because the money structure can either strengthen your unity or it can really strain it quickly.And if the idea of combining finances makes you anxious, you're not selfish. You're just being human. Because in a lot of ways, independence can feel like safety.Like, if I have my own independence, Ralph, I don't have to be dependent on somebody. And maybe you've had those past relationship where you had those hurt situations.Maybe you were with somebody that didn't take care of their finances in bad money seasons, or you found out they had a debt you weren't aware of. And for so many people in a relationship, it really comes down to control issues. So today isn't a character problem today.It's really a signal of trust in the relationship. And trust deserves care. And your hesitation isn't a character flaw. It's a signal that trust deserves that care. Let me start by saying this.There is no biblical command that says couples must share one bank account. There just isn't. But what there is is a biblical call to unity. And that's what I'm really going to lean into today.The danger isn't separate accounts. The danger, in my view, is separate visions. And that's where couples get stuck all the time.And I've walked with many couples through this exact process. I'll never forget. I work with a newly married couple. I've worked with longtime spouses.I've looked with second marriages, and I've seen completely different situations. Some combine everything. Some do a hybrid, and some. Listen, let me tell you right now, some separate marriages, man, they keep everything separate.But here's the thing I'm going to tell you. The healthiest couples share two things, and these are the things that are critical. They share communication and they share a shared direction.See, the healthiest couples aren't defined by structure. They're defined by communication and that shared direction. So let me give you two quick examples. Here's example one.There's some times where you have one account and no conversations. If you're in that kind of relationship, it's leading to suspicion. And purchases feel personal because you're not talking about.There's no conversation going on. Now, sometimes you can have separate accounts, but you plan that together, and it leads to peace, it leads to unity.And in the end, it wasn't the system, it was unity. So here's today's central question, and this is one we're really going to lean into.Do your finances reflect one team or just two individuals sharing expenses? Kind of like roommates, right? Because money doesn't just fund life, it reveals your alignment.So today I want to give you an alignment, a clear framework to really help you. I'm going to talk about unity. I'm going to talk about transparency. I'm going to talk about agreement. And finally, peace.And this isn't about picking the right system. It's about building the right foundation from the start. Because Unity comes first.Before you have separate accounts and spreadsheets and make rules for each other, you got to be on the same team. If you're still in that mindset of mine versus yours, it's never going to work out.Even if you have separate accounts, you've got to start thinking in terms of hours. Now, Unity doesn't mean you think the same. You don't have to be robots, you don't have to be cut from the same cloth.But it does mean you're moving in the same direction. See, Unity says we're on the same side. Let's move to transparency, because transparency is important as well.If you live in a relationship where there's secrets, that just leads to suspicion and you're wondering, what's this person doing? And maybe you've been hurt before you were in a relationship or those secrets, it led to something else.But when you have clarity, a lot of times it leads to safety. And they see. Now a lot of people say, well, Ralph, this is about, I don't want to have to give permission to my spouse.That's not what I'm saying here. This is about awareness.Awareness can be simply something that you know what's coming in, you know what's going out, and you know what you're building towards. You don't have to have completely combined finances to do that. But shared awareness matters more than shared accounts.In the end, it's what's really going to make it work. Let's move to agreement, because we've got to have agreement here. Agreement matters more than the method.Listen, you can have five different accounts, but if you're on the same page, you can do that. If you have agreement. There's no holy setup here. I start off by talking about what does the Bible say about it? The Bible's kind of silent about this.But if you have an agreement, it builds that buy in and that builds in consistency. And here's the problem. If you've got one person that caves under pressure, the tension shows up. And that's what I'm saying.If there's no agreement, it's going to be a problem, it's going to be strained. But agreement should be mutual and never forced. And finally, anchor, because peace is the goal. That's what we got to get to, peace.Your money structure should reduce tension. If you're doing this right, you're not answering the question about, do we have separate accounts or not. It's are you living in peace?Think about these red flags.If you're in a relationship right now and when it comes to money, you have fear, or if you're constantly checking somebody or if there's resentment, there's a problem with peace. You got to adjust the system if it increases that strain, because money should support your life, not strain the relationship.We got to make a change here, which leads us to our Bible verse for today. Genesis, chapter 2, verse 24. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh.And I love this verse because Scripture emphasizes exactly what I'm talking about here. That oneness, that shared life, that shared direction. Because God gives us just one principle here. Oneness.He doesn't say have separate accounts, have joined accounts. He just says oneness. And that wisdom applies it to the structure. Your structure should serve unity, not replace it.God gives us the principle and wisdom applies it. So here's your simple step for today. I want you to sit down together and ask this question. And listen. Be prepared for the answer.Do our finances reflect unity or avoidance? It's really that simple. Do our finances reflect unity or avoidance? There's no defending, no fixing. This is just a time to listen.That conversation for so many alone, just that conversation alone will be progress. How about we pray together? Lord, thank you for caring about both our finances and our hearts.Help couples walk in trust and replace fear with wisdom and replace tension with unity. Guide them as they structure their money in ways that honor you and truly protect their relationship. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen, friend.If money has been a source of guilt or pressure for you, pause here for a moment. There is a better way to move forward. And I've got a book I just wrote about this. It's called how to Become a Financially Confident Christian.And it's all about finding peace and clarity and confidence with money while learning to trust God again. It's not about lectures. It's not about shame. Just a simple, faithful next step.And you can grab your own copy at financiallyconfidentchristian.com.com/becoming that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/becoming friend. Unity is built one conversation at a time. So have that conversation today. You don't need a perfect system.You just need open and honest communication. And this topic has been hard before. You can start again today. Just one conversation, one agreement, one step forward.And let me tell you right now, you're going to be okay. Now, tomorrow we're going to talk about another big question, and that's money boundaries with family. Let me tell you right now, be prepared.We're going about protecting your wallet and protecting the love for your family. And if this episode helped you, I'm going to encourage you to share with somebody else that's navigating this same question.Maybe, you know, another couple that's thinking about this right now, share this show with them. Because this show is not about financial shame. It's about walking in wisdom, staying steady, and truly becoming a financially confident Christian.God bless you, friend. And I'll see you again on tomorrow's show.