Why Do I Feel Guilty Spending Money on Myself?

Speaker A00:00:00

Think about this. You can swipe your card for your family in a heartbeat. There's no debate and zero guilt.But the moment it's something for you, all of a sudden your hand freezes and your mind starts accusing you. Today on this show, I'm going to talk about what you can do next to spend with wisdom without feeling like you're doing something wrong.Hello, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here.This is Financially Confident Christian, where every day I'm helping you break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence. And today's topic hits close to home for so many of us, and that's why spending on ourselves feels wrong.But bigger than that, I'm going to talk to you about how to choose healthy God, honoring self care without guilt. Well, let's get right into today's question.Listener wrote this Ralph I'll buy things for my family without hesitation, but the moment I think about getting something for myself, I just freeze up. Even normal stuff like new shoes or going out for coffee makes me feel guilty. How do I stop feeling like taking care of myself is wrong?I'm just going to pause for a second and say, wow, you're being super vulnerable and honest this morning. And I just want to thank you so much for that question because honestly, recognizing the situation is almost half the battle.So today I want to really lean into this about how we can make that guilt fade when we've really defined the difference between stewardship and self neglect. And I'm going to tell you right now about my mom's holy underwear. Now you might be saying, ralph, did you just say what I think you said? Yes.So let's talk about what holy underwear is. Now, these aren't religiously holy underwear. These are physically underwear with holes in them.And it just when I got this question from the listener, it reminded me of my mom. And she passed away. It's been almost three years. I can't believe it. It'll be three years in March. And yeah, I miss her every day.But I remember as a kid, my mom raised us, my sister and I, as a single mom now my dad was around, he helped us financially. But my mom was one of these people that wanted to give to everybody. She gave to me.She gave to my sister, but she didn't take care of herself and she didn't buy the things that mattered to her. And I'll never forget one day I remember I was helping her with the laundry and we dumped the clothes on the bed and we were sorting stuff out.She goes, well, just Put my stuff to the side. I said, no, Mama. I know she wasn't feeling good that day. And I said, well, let me just help you fold things.It was probably a hot mess because I might have been 8 or 10 years old and trying to fold clothes. Well. And of course, it's a little awkward, too. You got your mom's undergarments.Well, I pull up a pair of my mom's undergarments, and it looked like Swiss cheese. I mean, there were holes all over these things. And now I said to my mom, I said, mom, what's up with these underwear?I said, my underwear is not like this. And she goes, son, I make sure that I sacrifice so you and your sister can have. And I'll tell you what, that defined who my mother was.She wore those holy underwear because she just didn't want to spend the money on herself. And that's really what we're talking about today. But I want to help you get past that.The first step in getting past that is you got to name the voice. Is this conviction or condemnation? Because there is a major difference between the two. Let's talk about that now. If it's conviction.Now, conviction as a Christian is a good thing. The Holy Spirit gives us conviction. It gives us conviction to make better decisions.If it's conviction, it's specific, it's gentle, and in the end, it leads us to a better choice. So first of all, name the voice that you're hearing. Is this conviction is very specific. Is it gentle like a shepherd?Is it helping you make a better choice? The other side of that is condemnation. Condemnation is vague. It's harsh. It sounds like this. You don't deserve it.And I think back to my mom now, and I wonder if it wasn't a little bit of both, because, honestly, looking back at it, we could have afforded for her to get new undergarments. So for her, was it a little bit of conviction yet? I think in a lot of ways, though, for her, it was condemnation. It was very vague.Just don't spend money on yourself to the point where you've got holy underwear. And I think if I was to ask her now, she'd probably say, ralph, I just didn't deserve it at the time.If you're feeling that same way, if it sounds like punishment, that's not from God. We don't have a punishing God. Yes, we have a convicting God. We have a God that will convict us to make better decisions.If we were talking about, for example, let's say all of a Sudden, my mom woke up one day and said, you know what, kids? I think today I need to go buy a sports car. She thought to herself, wait a minute. Now, that's conviction. That's specific. My mom's name was Lynn.Lynn, you don't need a sports car. You've got a car that does the job. But that's God speaking gently to us. You know, you've got a car to do something else.And it led to a better choice. Here's the second step in this, so name it. First. Second thing. Give yourself a yes with limits category.See, this is the thing that I think my mom could have learned from if I had been able to go back and counsel her. On your budget, on your spending plan, create a small line item called personal care, or dare I say, personal Joy.Because, listen, you've got to have some joy in your life. You've got to have some joy in your spending. And it doesn't have to be hundreds of dollars.Hey, you might say, every week, I'm going to put $5 in my personal care or my personal joy account. If you've got more money, maybe $25 a week or maybe each paycheck, you do that.Because when it's planned, when you've really laid it out, that's not rebellion anymore. That's stewardship. And if you find yourself in this same situation, ask yourself just one clarifying question before you buy.If you're in the checkout line, you get ready to get up there. You know the lines form, and you've got something in your hand. Just ask yourself this, does this support my responsibilities or sabotage them?Now, sometimes it's not that simple. Let me use that, a great example. If you need shoes, that's supporting you, you got to have shoes to go to work.You got to have shoes to do the things you do. But impulse spending, a lot of times that creates stress. It creates stress immediately and it sure creates stress later on. That, to me, is sabotage.And if you're aiming for peace, don't sabotage yourself. Listen, this isn't about perfection, just peace. Which leads us to this thought you might be feeling this guilt. That's what you said in your question.Replace that guilt with a simple spending rule that you can trust. Here's the way I would define that rule. If it's in the plan, I can spend it with peace. I put it in that joy account. It's in the plan.It's in the spending agreement. I've already said I'm going to do this. We've Talked about this a little bit the other day.If you need to use a cash envelope system for your personal category, if this guilt hits you hard and you're so afraid of putting down that credit card or that debit card or writing that check, put that money aside, each paycheck in an envelope like I did with my grandparents. I told you about this. My grandfather had his fishing envelope.My grandmother knew she was going to put a certain amount in his fishing envelope and he could spend. He didn't worry about it. He didn't worry about, would the light bill get paid, would they have food on the grocery, none of those things.Because when you say yes today, your heart starts to learn safety. And that's really what the key takeaway is. You've got to build that safety into your heart. And finally, this practice receiving. Not proving.A lot of people get stuck on that. They're just. They can't receive something. You ever met somebody like that? Oh, you shouldn't have done that. But you got to practice that.And in a lot of ways, I don't want to speak bad about my mom, but you're not earning rest by suffering. My mom wasn't earning anything from those holy underwear. When I look back at it now, I'm like, that is the silliest thing ever.But it demonstrates today's point.Because when you take care of yourself, when you do what you need to do for you, and I'm not saying being frivolous, but when you do what you need to do for yourself, you show up stronger, you show up more determined. That's not being selfish. That's just being healthy. So I want to encourage you right now. You're allowed to be cared for, too.You're allowed to have joy. You're allowed to have spending on you. You're allowed to have that. It's okay. So here's today's win, your single step takeaway.Today I want to encourage you to do something. It's kind of fun today. I want you to go out there and buy something for yourself today.If you're dealing with this guilt and you're like, oh, man, I don't want to do this. Make sure it fits in your budget. I'm not telling you to go buy the new Corvette. You might love that Corvette. It's not time to go buy a new Corvette.Doesn't have to be expensive. Just spend five or ten dollars on yourself. You deserve it. Go do it. Fits in your budget. Go do it. That's something fun you can do today.Well, let's get to our Bible verse. Today we're going to look at the Book of Mark, chapter 12, verse 31.And this one is ideal for what we're talking about because it really leans into what we're talking about and it says again, Mark 12:31 love your neighbor as yourself. See, God assumes that as yourself includes wise self care. God doesn't want you living in this guilt driven neglect. So just lean in that.Say love your neighbor as yourself. God wants you to take care of yourself. How about we pray together, Father?God, you see the guilt that rises when all of us think about spending on ourselves. You see that inner voice that says, you know, you don't have needs.You don't get to have your needs, Lord, I just ask that you were placed at condemnation. That's what we're really talking about.We're not talking about conviction, we're talking about condemnation, Lord, and replace that condemnation with your truth. Give us wisdom to plan. Give us strength to hold those boundaries and the freedom to receive daily care without that shame and guilt.And I ask right now that you help this listener. Spend with peace, Lord. Love their family and also value the life that you've given them.Teach their heart that stewardship is not self punishment and that your love for all of us is never earned by going without. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen. I want to encourage you right now you can spend with peace when it's playing with wisdom. So go do that today.Go buy something for yourself. And if you've got a question for this show, I would love to answer it on the show. This is what really feeds my passion for the show.Go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question i'm going to give you to you again. It'll also be in the show notes financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question so thank you so much for joining me today.Thank you so much for sending in your questions. I just want to encourage you now to stay financially savvy. God bless you. You have a great day and I'll see you again tomorrow on the show.