Is Your Generosity Driven by Guilt or God?

Speaker A00:00:28

These numbers really surprised me today. Listen to this. 40% of Americans feel pressured when giving gifts. Listen to this.That jumps to 60% of millennials who are desperately searching for that perfect gift. Does that perfect gift even exist? I'm not sure. But I'm going to tell you this right now. That's not generosity. That's performance. Listen to this one.73% say financial stress robs them of holiday joy, with 65% stressed about their spending. Hey, listen, let me tell you right now, when giving steals your piece, something's wrong. And listen to this one, man.When Abby brought this one in, this is perfect. Americans waste $9.5 billion. That's B billion, every year on unwanted gifts. I think I get most of those. Listen to this.$71 per person on things that nobody wanted. What does that tell us? It tells us we're given to feel good, not to meet real needs. Let's jump to today's listener question.Ralph, I've always been a giver, but sometimes I realize I'm giving out of guilt or pressure, not joy. How do I know when generosity crosses the line? Great question. Today, generosity is godly. We'll start with that.But unguarded generosity can drain you joy and it drains you dry. Listen, even good intentions need boundaries. So let's talk about godly boundaries on today's show.

Speaker B00:01:51

This is Financially Confident Christian Daily dose of gospel grounded insight and faith driven tips to help you break the cycle of financial shame with confidence.

Speaker A00:02:03

Welcome to the show. I'm Ralph.Thank you for joining me on our daily show as I help you break that cycle of financial shame with confidence as we continue our series of how to have a joyous holiday without going broke. Now listen, I've been an accountant and a Christian coach for 30 years and I've seen people wreck their budgets trying to be kind.So many people are trying to be kind. And I've also learned that biblical giving, and that's what we're really going to focus on today, requires both love and wisdom.It's not about guilt or performance. Let me tell you a story. I once counseled this woman. She became a friend of mine. She had this friend of hers who was really in need.I'm talking about this lady laid it on thick, man.She was struggling, having all kinds of financial issues when my friend stepped up and actually took one of her credit cards and ended up maxing it out to help this friend in need. Here's the problem. That friend never repaid her. And my friend even had a situation where she Wasn't able to make her rent payments. Now forget.She looked at me one day, we were out for coffee and she said, ralph, I thought I was being generous. When I look back at it, I was really being impulsive. Talk about pain. Now she told me, she says, ralph, I resent that. My friend.We had been lifelong friends from when we were little girls. And unfortunately, this generous gift in so many ways became a wedge in their relationship. Because here's the truth.Impulsive giving isn't faith, it's fear. Let's talk about that fear for a second. It's that fear of saying no. Someone approaches you and says, hey, can you help me out?Can you help me get through this tough season set? Fear is saying no. A lot of us feel this fear, that fear looking selfish. If we don't do this, are we being introspective?Are we not helping somebody in need? Here's a great one. A lot of Christian people feel this one. It's the feel of not being Christian enough.I'm not sure what that means, but it's the truth is so many of us feel that because here is the God honest truth. Generosity without boundaries isn't biblical. You burst a bubble right now. It's not biblical at all. What it really is is exhausting.And I love what author Bob Goff once said. He said love does, but it also discerns. What he's getting at. There is we, we have to love. That's what the Bible commands us to do.But it also commands us to discern and to understand what we're getting into. So let's restate our question today. And I love this question. How do we know when generosity crosses the line?Well, I've got five ways that I really believe are ways to know that. Number one, if it's guilt driven giving. If your giving brings anxiety, just stop right there.If it brings anxiety at all, instead of peace, it's likely motivated by emotion and not the spirit. So the first thing I'm going to encourage you to do is check your motivation. What is motivating you do this? Is it a fear thing?Is it, I want to be Christian enough? Or is it, I'm afraid that if I don't do this, someone's going to think less of me. See, it's all about your mindset. So it starts there.If this is a feeling of guilt, chances are it's not a good thing to do. Second thing, and my friend learned this the hard way, you can't give what you don't have. So you Got to start with your own stewardship first.See, God never asked you to harm your family to help another. When I work with people, when I do counseling work, and they say, ralph, I really want to lean into your generosity. I said, that's great.Well, you've got to get your own financial house in order first. So check. Hey, listen, if someone approaches you for help, ask yourself, are my finances in order?Because if your finances are in order, you're going to wreck two people's finances, and that's not a good place to be. Third thing, and today's listener really alluded to this, that emotional generosity, because sometimes in our heart we feel this need to give.And you might ask yourself, well, why do we do that? Well, honestly, I think it's because we have this feel to be needed. I think that's a human emotion. We want people to need us.I think of my mom when I was a young baby. She needed me. She needed me to take care of me because she needed to feed me, she needed to clothe me and all that sort of thing.And I think as we grow into adults, we want that feeling of being needed. But if you're being honest with yourself, recognize that's an impulse. And one of the greatest things you can do is pray about it. Check. Impulses.This is one of the big things they talk about in psychology called codependency.And I really think it leans into this, that emotional generosity that you have, this desire that you have, this codependent need that you've absolutely got to do it. So that's another one. If it's emotional, number four, let's lean into something that can help you, and that's boundaries.Saying no to unhealthy giving allows you to say yes when it truly matters. I'll give you a great example as I do a weekly show. I don't know if you know about this or not. It's called Truth Unveiled with Ralph.And we're going to put some links in the show notes today. But I did a show all about boundaries. You have to understand that when you say no to somebody, it opens up a yes to somebody else.It's that discernment. It's that idea in your head about what can I really help them to do? And you've got to set those boundaries.Because, listen, people will test those boundaries. People will allow that to go over and above those boundaries. But you got to set those things. And finally, let prayer be your guide.I probably should have started with that first. But God's direction brings peace Just. I want you to sit there for a second. Just think about that.If it's really God's direction, you will feel at peace with that decision. The problem is human pressure. Human usually brings stress. We all have those situations where somebody is leaning into us or maybe over the.Over the lunch or something. Oh, I'm really having a tough time. You ever been around that person? It's always bellyaching about how bad they have it.Well, that's emotional stuff, and you got to steer clear that. And maybe you need to help them, but pray about it. Which leads me to our Bible verse today.This one comes from the book of Proverbs, chapter 11, verse 25. And I just absolutely love this. It fits perfectly with what we're talking about today. And it says this again, Proverbs 11:25.A generous person will prosper. Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.They might say, wait a second, Ralph, you just spent the last five or six minutes talking about not to give. That's not at all what I said. If that's what you heard, you didn't hear me. What I said is understand. Is your house in order?Is this the right thing to do? Have you prayed about it? But listen, being generous is a wonderful thing. I think it's great.If you want to give gifts to people and help people, the Bible says it right here, a generous person will prosper. If you want to prosper, be generous. But be wise in how you do it.How about we pray together right now, Lord, we come to you now, and we want to be generous people. So, Lord, we start by asking you to help us see when it's time to say yes.Lord, help us to see those opportunities when it's truly your will for us to do this.But at the same time, Lord, help us to understand when it's okay to say no, let's not to feel that Christian guilt or that feeling of frustration or anxiety about it. Lord, help us to see wisdom in this and not guilt. And teach us the healthy stewardship honors you, Lord.Help us to always be locked into that in a prayerful way. And, Lord, we ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen. Okay, well, here's your action item for today.Before giving to any person or cost, I'm talking about any of them. Take 24 hours and pray about it. Check your budget. Is your financial house in order? Because if you do those two things, guess what?Peace is going to come and it's going to confirm your decision. Because we should always pause before giving or deciding to help someone else. And listen to this. If today's message hit home, I want to talk.We talked about this show earlier. I would love for you to come and listen to my weekly show. It's called Truth Unveiled with Ralph. We ask one simple question.We talk about culture's way or God's way. See, the world gives us until we're empty. God says give from the overflow. So if you're interested in that show, I would love to see you over there.It's called truthunveiledwithRalph.com. let's stop living by the world standards and start living by the word of God. Well, thank you for joining me on the show today.Remember, generosity needs wisdom and those boundaries honor God. So go out there today and give with joy, give with peace, but give with a purpose. Be a financially confident Christian. Stay financially savvy.God bless you. And and I'll see you again next time on the show.