How Do I Stop Using “I Deserve This” to Justify Stress Spending?

Speaker A00:00:00

Have you ever said I deserve this? I'm talking about after a long day or a hard conversation. Or maybe you're just feeling unseen or unappreciated.And in that moment it feels justified, doesn't it? You work hard, you give a lot, you carry that weight quietly to yourself. So you click, you swipe, and you buy things.But later the stress is still there, isn't it? And now it's joined by guilt. Well, today we're going to separate real rest from retail relief.Because one restores you and the other quietly masters you. We rise. Hello, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here.This is Financially Confident Christian, where we're breaking that cycle of financial shame and helping you live in confidence. And today's topic is all about breaking that cycle. We're going to stop doing that. I deserve this. Stress spending.Let's get right into today's question, Ralph. I use I deserve this to justify spending when I'm stressed or overwhelmed. And maybe I do deserve good things. But the truth is this isn't helping me.It's just creating more anxiety. I know I'm escaping instead of actually dealing with what's heavy.How do I recognize the difference between genuine rest and just medicating with my credit card? I need to break this pattern, but I feel stuck. I like that when.When this person said medicating with my credit card, I think about how many times I've done that thing. But the big idea today is yes, you deserve rest, but not relief. That creates regret. So let's start by saying this.Wanting comfort in your life does not make you weak. It just doesn't. Wanting something good does not make you selfish. We did an episode not too long ago. I talked about my mother with her holy underwear.The issue isn't desire, it's about direction. So let's talk about how to find the right direction. Here's what I think you got to do.First, ask yourself one honest question before you spend a dime. Now, this is not an easy question to answer sometimes, but ask yourself this. Am I solving a problem or am I soothing of feeling?Are you really solving a problem? Is this a problem, something that you need? Or you just feeling down, feeling tired, feeling unappreciated?Because listen, if it's solving a problem, like replacing worn out shoes. I was walking on the treadmill this morning and I noticed my sneakers are starting to get a little worn. Probably time to buy another pair.That makes sense, that stewardship.But if it's soothing a feeling, if you find, like so many of us, you're doing that late night scrolling, you just happen into Amazon, oh, I've got to have this. So if you're soothing that feeling of stress or loneliness or anger, just pause right there. Because purchases cannot carry emotional weight.Things that you should be buying shouldn't carry that emotional weight. I don't have any emotion about sneakers for walking on the treadmill. But how do you solve that?You might be saying, okay, that sounds great, Ralph, but when I'm doing that, when I'm in that mode, how do I stop doing this? And I've talked about this on this show before, create a 24 hour pause rule. I'm not talking about forever, just 24 hours.And listen, if 24 hours doesn't work for you, make it 48 hours. I love to put stuff in the cart and come back to it in a day or two and then if I still want it, I go back to the cart. I can reconsider.But many times what I find, I don't need that thing anymore. That was just an emotional thing. Funny thing, the other day I did that and I realized already had what I was looking for.But when you put that pause in there, it feeds that urgency. And see those stress purchases and that's why it's so easy to do it. Those stress purchases thrive on immediacy.But wisdom, true wisdom, thrives in giving yourself some space. Now sometimes it's not about space, it's about not looking for, trying to figure out what you really want to do for wrists.So I'm going to encourage you to create what I call a rest menu. Things that cost little or nothing at all.And when you feel that stress, when that stress hits you like a ton of bricks, your brain needs an alternative. And I want you to do right now, I want you to write down five things that restore you.Now each of these could be different for each of us, but write these things down. And when you're feeling that stress, when you're feeling that anxiety, that loneliness, go to your rest menu things like a 20 minute walk.It's a great idea. Clear your mind. Maybe jump in the shower and listen. Don't take your phone with you. Does it play well? Electronics in the water, maybe call a friend.It's a great time to connect with somebody. Hey, call the best friend you got. Go to prayer. Ask the Lord to get you through that tough situation. Get into scripture.Maybe for you it's as simple as sitting outside with a cup of coffee that you make at home. Or I love this one journal. What's really heavy. What's bothering you right now?Because if you can get into real rest, I'm talking about rest that really matters, it's going to lower that anxiety. The problem with impulse spending, it just delays it and then you go back to it again. But now you feel guilty. Here's another pro tip.Budget intentional enjoyment. It's important that you do this because if you never allow yourself anything, you don't have any of those fun things in your budget.Let me tell you right now from personal experience, you're going to binge and you're going to overspend. So build in a small enjoyment line right in your budget. It doesn't have to be a big number. Maybe for you it's $20 a paycheck or $40 a paycheck.Whatever fits for your particular situation. Because when you plan that enjoyment number one, it feels peaceful and it helps you get back to that point of rest.Because the truth is, when we really are honest with ourselves, that emotional spending feels frantic. And it just puts us down a cycle and a spiral. Here's another pro tip. Track how you feel after each choice.Now, this one takes a little soul searching, but after you make a stress purchase, ask yourself this very difficult question. Ask yourself, do I feel calmer or more tense? When you make that stress purchase, do I feel calmer or do I feel more tense?And then ask yourself this after genuine risk, do I feel grounded? When you pick one of those things we talk about that rest menu, do you feel grounded?What I have found in my own life, when I look at those patterns, it really reveals the truth in my life. Because in the end, we're not trying to punish ourselves. We're trying to learn what works best for us.Because guess what, friend, you deserve peace, not more payments. So here's your win for today. I want to really lean into this. I want you to go and write that rest menu.Just like a restaurant has a menu for you to pick to eat from. I want you to build that rest menu. Just pick five things that you can do the next time that stress time spikes.Instead of opening a shopping app, put it on your phone, put it on the refrigerator. Whatever works for you. Keep it visible. Give yourself options before those impulses take over.Well, let's get to today's Bible verse comes to us from First Corinthians, chapter 6, verse 12. And this one just nails our topic today. Again, that's First Corinthians, chapter 6, verse 12.I have the right to do anything, but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything, but I will not be mastered by anything. See, freedom isn't doing whatever you want.A lot of people say, well, that's ultimate freedom. I can do whatever I want. No, it's refusing to be controlled by what harms us. Let's pray about that right now.Father God, you know the weight we're carrying, you know the stress that we feel before we ever reach for our wallets. Help us right now to pause, Lord. Help us to see the difference between true rest and just a temporary escape.Give us wisdom to build those new habits, Lord, and strength to wait those 24 or 48 hours and help us to see that peace doesn't come with regret at the end. Remind us all the time that we're not weak and that we're learning discipline every day.And what we know, Lord, is that discipline leads us to freedom. And we ask this in Jesus name, Amen. I just want to encourage you. You're not denying yourself. You're protecting your peace.And if you've got a question for this show, hey, listen to this. You can send me a voicemail.If you've got something you really want to share, something that's tugging at your heart, you can record it right at financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail. Just like you send somebody voicemail, just go to that website. I'm going to give it to you again in near a second. Financiallyconfidentchristian.Com/Voicemail. It's super simple. You just record your voice. And guess what? I'll answer your question on the show. Well, thank you so much for joining me today.Stay financially savvy. May God bless you, and you have a great day today.