What Do I Do When Comparison Makes Me Spend Money I Don't Have?

Speaker A00:00:00

Comparison is a thief of joy, but it's also the primary driver of debt.And if you're checking your social media feed and then checking your bank account to see if you can afford to keep up, you're fighting a battle that you're never going to win. So today we're talking about how to break the comparison spiral and find a contentment that doesn't come with a monthly payment.Hello, friend, Ralph Estep Jr. Here. Welcome to Financially Confident Christian, where we're breaking the cycle of financial shame and helping you find financial confidence.And today's topic hits so many of us and it's how to stop the comparison, spend and find real contentment. Let's get right to today's listener question. Listener question wrote this Ralph Every time I see what others have, I feel inadequate and behind.Then I spend money trying to catch up or prove I'm doing okay. And it just makes things even worse. More debt, more stress, more shame, more I'm caught in this spiral and I can't seem to get out.How do I stop comparing myself and find real contentment instead of this fake version I'm buying that only leaves me feeling emptier? I'm going to say this. First of all, thank you so much for your question. Your question tells me that you know there's a problem.And you know, I've been taught to believe when you recognize the problem, you're that much closer to resolving it because you've come up with an idea here. You can't build your own financial house if you're constantly staring at your neighbor's blueprints. It won't work.What they've built for them doesn't work for you. But now you're thinking, okay, well, how do I change this dynamic? How do I change my mindset?The first thing you've got to do is, is identify your triggers. Pay attention when that need to spend arises. So many of us don't understand the triggers.And if you think about when you start to feel that need, maybe it's if you're scrolling Instagram and you see somebody say, oh, I've got to have that. I've got to do that vacation. Look at that purse that person has. I got to have that one. Or maybe it's after visiting a certain friend.You go to a friend's house and you see what they've got. And the thing is, you don't realize what's going on behind the scenes there.You only see the stuff that's spit and polished on the front, but that's where it starts. Identify your triggers, identify the source so you can guard the gate.Because that's really the beginning of where you're going to find success in this, is guarding the gate. Here's the second thing I'm going to encourage you to do. Recognize the filtered reality.As I said a minute ago, you're comparing your behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. What you see is what they want you to see.You see their new car, you see that new house, that vacation, all that bling bling and all that other stuff. What you don't see is the high interest, credit card debt, or the loans behind that, or as we talked about, the marital stress behind it.You only see the highlight reel. It's the snapshots, it's the winning film. But you don't know what's behind the scenes.Next thing you've got to do is you've got to curate your environment. It's a fancy way of saying, if your social media is the fuel for your comparison fire, it's time to take a digital rest.You're probably saying, ralph, all you talk about is how terrible social media is. I do that and I'll tell you why. I see what it does to people. I see what it does to marriages, I see what it does to relationships.It creates this constant feeling of inadequacy. And then you follow these things to make yourself feel better, but all it does is make you feel worse.That's exactly what you're saying in today's Listener Question. What does it say here? You said, how do I stop comparing myself? How do I stop trying to catch up? How do I stop proving I'm okay?Well, the only way you're going to do that is if you start to curate the environment that you put yourself in. And this isn't an easy thing to do, but it's a necessary thing to do. We talked at the beginning about triggers.If there are accounts that trigger you. If there are things that make you feel inadequate, stop putting those in your life. Instead, find things that promote you.Find things that promote stewardship, find things that promote gratitude, things that make you feel better about yourself. I, for the life of me don't understand why we live in this constant state of not having enough.When, let me tell you right now, if you're listening to my voice or you're watching me, you are in a very great place. So curate what you put around you. Which leads me to the next thing. You've got to practice active gratitude.What I have found in my own life is it is impossible to be jealous and grateful at the same time. Try it. It won't work. You just can't do it. But you got to practice this. It's not something that comes naturally to most people. We're fleshly people.We don't understand it at first. So plan it ahead of time. Every morning, before your feet hit the floor, list three financial or material blessings that you have.Because when you think about it, you already have so much. You have things that you didn't earn or things that you didn't deserve.Now I can already hear people saying, well, wait a minute, Ralph, I work hard for what I have. Yes, that's fine. But the Lord gives you a mental ability. The Lord gives you resources to do that.So start with that gratitude from the very beginning. And finally this, and I've mentioned this on the show many times, you gotta run your own race.I think so many times we feel like we've gotta run the race that everyone else is running.We look at our neighbor's house, we think about, oh, it would look, I wonder if we could get a pool or I wonder if I could get a flashy sports car like that. But that may not be your race. God has a specific plan for you and your family and your finances.It may not be the same plan that your friend Sally has. And when you spend to keep up with others, you're literally spending away the resources that God gave you for your own specific mission.God has given you things for your mission. Don't squander them on someone else's mission. Here's the thing I want you to walk away with today. Your value is found in whose you are.Not in what you own, not in what you have. Not the balance of your bank account or the car or the house you have. It's found in who you are. So here's your win for today.I want you to take a 24 hour comparison fast. Here's what it looks like. For the next 24 hours. I want you to stay off social media and refrain from browsing any online shops. Listen, just 24 hours.Make a mental decision to do this.And instead of doing that browsing or looking at social media, I want you to write down three things that you currently own that once felt like a dream purchase. All of us can find those things. I was thinking about it today as I was riding over to the office.There was a time when I never thought I'd have a farm. Never thought I'd have an office right here at my house and I could have spent that time scrolling social media and look at what everybody else has.But I want to write down. I want you to write down three things that you have that were a dream before.Because when you do that, you're going to realize you already have enough. You already have so much. Let's get right into the Word of God. Today's verse comes from First Timothy, chapter 6, verses 6 to 8.But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world and we take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.See, Paul reminds us that the only prophet that truly matters is a soul that is content in God. Because the truth is, friends, our possessions are temporary, but our peace with the Lord is eternal. How about we pray together?Heavenly Father, we confess right now that our hearts often wander towards what others have. We get caught up in that more and the better. And we forget about the abundance you've already provided to each of us.So Lord, right now I ask that you would heal those feelings of inadequacy in the heart of the person listening and in my heart too. Lord, help us to see our finances through your eyes.Give us a spirit of contentment that isn't shaken by a neighbor's new car or a friend's vacation that highlight real and teach us to be satisfied in you alone. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen friend. I'm going to say something kind of strong, but I want you to hear this today.Contentment isn't getting what you want. It's realizing how much you already have.If you've got a question for the show, just like today's question, that's my passion, you can go right to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question we'll put that in the show notes. You can click right on the link, but here it is again. It's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/questioni want to thank you so much for joining me today. I want to encourage you stay financially savvy. May God bless you and you have a great day today.