Why Do I Still Feel the Urge to Spend Even When I’m Doing Well?

Speaker A00:00:37

What do you do when you're doing everything right financially, but you still feel that urge to spend? On this episode, I talked to someone in their 30s who's debt free.They're earning well, they're investing for retirement, but they can't shake that pool to spend money. Is this really a budgeting problem or is this money trying to tell them something deeper? We're going to break that down on today's show. Hey, friend.Ralph Estep Jr. Here. Welcome to Financially Confident Christian, where our goal is to break that cycle of financial shame and help you find confidence.And today is one of those sticky topics that so many of us deal with. And that's that urgent urge to spend when we're doing well. Let's get right into today's listener question.Listener wrote this Ralph I'm in my 30s, I'm earning well, I'm debt free, and I've got a decent amount in retirement investments. Let me just stop there. That's fantastic. You're doing the right things. But they continue on.But lately I've had a strong urge to spend money and I really don't understand why. I've tried locking money into ETFs. Those are what's called exchange traded funds, by the way. I've tried buying essentials in bulk.I'm giving gifts, I'm even allowing some small purchases. Nothing seems to stop the urge. Even when I don't touch my money, the feeling comes back. I feel a little bit lost on what to do.Should I keep locking my money away or is there something I'm missing? I love this question because this is deeper than spending. That's why I love this show.This show's not only about money, it's about the other side of that. Because here's the thing. You've already shown you can manage money well.You've got money in retirement, you got good income coming in, you're making all the right decisions. So the question for you isn't how can I control this better? It's really what is this urge trying to tell me?And that urge to spend is often a signal, not a discipline problem. Let's get into today's solution. You've got to stop treating this like a self control issue. You've already proven discipline.You've already proven that you can control yourself. You're saving, you're investing, you're thinking long term. So this isn't about a lack of control or self control.It's about something underneath that hasn't been addressed, which is where we got to Go. Next we. You got to try to figure out what spending is trying to provide. Spending gives us something, even if it's temporary.Some of us, it's stimulation, it's from boredom. Talked about that on the show many times. It's a reward, it's relief, it's a sense of progress.And I got a feeling there might be something deeper going on here. You didn't say it in your question, but I think it might be something like if your life has been focused on restraint.See, you're doing all the right things. You're saving, making wise decisions. Your mind may just be looking for release. So here's the thing. I'm going to encourage you.One problem I see here is you need to understand the delayed reward tension. It's going to be a little deeper. You've been doing the right things, but all the things you've talked about have delayed rewards.Your investments, that's a delayed reward. Savings, that's a delayed reward. Your retirement, that future security, those are all things down the road.And when everything is being pushed into the future, your present can start to feel empty. You might be saying to myself, oh, Ralph, what am I doing this for? I don't have any enjoyment.I see my friends, they got brand new cars, they're going on trips, they're doing all these wonderful things. I know I'm doing the right thing, but it just doesn't feel right. So here's what I'm encouraging you to do.You've got to create intentional, controlled enjoyment in your life. You sound like somebody that structures things. You gotta have a little shift here. Not restriction, but structure.Instead of resisting the urge completely, you set it. You're feeling this thing. You feel like you need to spend money. Here's an idea. Set a defined enjoyment amount. Put it right into your budget.Here's what I'm going to give myself as a little bit of a fun of money. Plan it out. This way you won't feel like you're making bad decisions. Maybe you pick $10 a week or $20 a week or whatever that works for you.But choose experiences or things that actually matter. A lot of people go buy stuff. Problem with stuff is you use it for a little while. I got a whole boxes of stuff all around me.Think about the experiences. That's why I would encourage you to do things like vacations or some sort of experience.Because in your life you don't just need discipline, you need balance. That's what I think. This really today's focus is all about finding that Balance. But we've got to address what's happening internally.I want to bring this home because I wonder if there's something deeper here. I want you to ask yourself this. What has changed recently? Are you under stress? Is your routine changed? Are you bored?Are you going through emotional fatigue? Because I don't think this urge came from the middle of nowhere.So really spend a little time thinking about that and understand where this is coming from. Because once you understand that, it's going to give you power over it. And you might say, you know what, Raph? I am. I'm in a stressful job.I'm in a tough relationship. Maybe there's something going on around you. Understand what's doing this and realize this. That spending is probably not going to be the solution.But I want to take this a little deeper because sometimes we try to fill something internally with something external. Our whole world is focused on this. TikTok, YouTube, all the things around you. It's always about making you spend more.And intellectually, we know that's not going to last. So this is a time where maybe you got to go to God, because God meets you in that space. God meets you there.Not to take something away, but to fulfill what's missing. It's a great time to reach out and say, lord, help me understand what I'm feeling and guide me toward what truly satisfies.Because in the end, you don't need to fight the urge. You just need to understand it so you can manage it. So here's your win for today. I want you to define your intentional spending plan.Just one sentence each month. I'm going to allow myself X number of dollars to enjoy without guilt. Write it down. I know the type of person you are.You want to build this into your plan. We'll build some fun into your plan. Build those experience in your plan. You don't have to have everything delayed. Build some life into it.But that structure is going to create that balance that you so very much need. Let's get to the book of Ecclesiastes. Today we're going to go to Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verse 13.That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is a gift of God, friend. Enjoying what you've been given is a healthy way. That's a healthy thing. It's part of the balance of a faithful life.That's what I really want to encourage you today. Find that balance. You're working hard, you're doing all the right things. You're making very wise decisions. Have some fun in your life.And let me tell you right now, this message is speaking to my heart as well. Let's pray together right now. Heavenly Father, we lift up those who feel this internal tension even when they're doing well financially.You see their discipline, you see their effort, and you see the questions they're carrying. Help them to understand what's beneath the surface and guide them towards balance, Lord.Give them wisdom to endure what they've been given without guilt and clarity to recognize what truly satisfies. Lead them in both discipline and peace and remind them they're allowed to experience joy in a healthy and meaningful way.And we ask all these things in Jesus name. Amen, friend. This might feel like you're losing control, but that's not at all what we're doing here.You're being invited to find balance and that's what you really need. And maybe there's a question right now in your life and you're trying to find that balance. Here's what I want you to do.I want you to head over to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail do it right now. Don't wait. Tell me exactly what's happening in your life. Are you stressed? Are you bored?Are you feeling stuck in a routine you built for someone else? Tell me the real thing because I guarantee you're not alone in this and we're going to figure it out together on this show.Again, go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail I really want to hear from you. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I want to encourage you to stay financially savvy, find that balance of joy in your life.May God bless you, and you have a truly great day today.