How Do I Teach My Kids About Money So They Don't Repeat My Mistakes?

Speaker A00:00:37

You learned about money the hard way, through mistakes, through stress, and through lessons you wish someone had taught you sooner. And now you're watching your kids and you're thinking, not them. Not if I can help it.But the good news is the most powerful money teacher your kids will ever have is already in the house. It's you. So today, let's make that count. And you don't need to be a financial expert to raise money.Smart kids, the lessons that stick aren't the ones that you lecture them about. So stay with me today and let's set them up to do better than we ever did. Hello and welcome to Financially Confident Christian.I'm your guide, Ralph Estep Jr. And I just want to thank you for giving me a little bit of your time today. Today we're going to talk about teaching your kids about money so they don't inherit the mistakes that you and I have made.We got a listener question. Who has made mistakes and they learn the hard way, but they want better for their kids, but they're not sure exactly how to teach it.And I just love this question because I think all of us want to give our kids what we never got. And this is one of the most loving instincts there is. And if you've got a question for this show, I'd love to talk about it on the show.You can send it to me by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question We'll put a link in the show notes, but again, that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question Well, let's get right to today's listener question.Listener writes this hi Ralph. I have three kids age 7 to 14 and and I really don't want them to struggle with money the way I have. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20s.Credit card debt, no savings, no clue about how any of it worked because nobody ever taught me. And I'm still cleaning up some of it today. I want better for them, but here's my hang up. I don't feel like I'm an expert.I'm still figuring this out myself. And it feels almost hypocritical to teach them when I'm not perfect at it.I also don't want to just lecture them and have it go in one ear and out the other. Ralph how do I actually teach my kids about money in a way that sticks, but bigger than that, how do I do it when I'm still learning, too? Thank you.What a wonderful question. And I want to tell you a little secret from the Beginning. It's okay that you're still learning it, too.You don't have to be perfect to love your kids. You can teach them lessons by the way you raise them. Because I already know one thing about you. You're asking the right questions.And kids learn from what you model them, not what you lecture them. So let's make you the teacher today, and they'll thank you later. But how do we do that? Let's get real practical today.The first thing you've got to do is you got to let them see you learning. One of the things you talked about is, I've made these mistakes. That is the best ground for them to learn on. You don't have to be an expert.You can be honest and still growing. Let them see you budget. Let them see you save. Let them see you correct those mistakes. Those things are going to be perfection every single day.Now, you got to be careful about this. Make sure it's age appropriate. Admit past mistakes when they understand what you're asking.Talk about what you've learned, because those things are powerful. And that's not being hypocritical. Listen, they need a real teacher. Real teachers make mistakes. Real teachers are not flawless.Your growth is the lesson they need to hear. You don't have to be perfect with money. You just have to be honest about it.But now one of the other practical things you can do is give them money to manage. I can still remember as a kid, I used to love this exercise.My mom would sit us at the kitchen table and she'd bring out a bunch of change and she would show us, well, this is a dime, and this is a nickel, and this is a quarter, and this is a penny. Kids love to learn by handling money. Just don't sit there and yak about it.Give them money to handle, give them an allowance or pay them for their chores. But then as part of that, have them make real choices and let them feel the sting of spending it all and realizing they don't have anything left.But show them also the pride of saving. The people I talked to the other day, she says, I have a teenage son.She goes, ralph, I want him to make those mistakes now because they're small mistakes with small dollars. And that prevents those big mistakes from happening later. Experience is the teacher lectures can't replace.So let them make small money mistakes now while the stakes are still small. Now, one more practical thing I think you got to do is you got to teach the three jobs of every dollar.If you've listened to me, you know, I believe in giving every dollar a job, but when the kids are real young, I think you can do it into three buckets. Give every dollar one of three things. Give, save, or spend. Now, when these are toddlers. Yes, toddlers, you can give them three jars.Give, save, and spend. And then show them. Put coins into those things. You can do it with envelopes, you can do accounts, but make it visible and make it concrete.The money comes in, they divide it up. They put a little bit in the give jar, a little bit in the save jar, and. And a little bit in the spin jar.Now, you notice intentionally, I started with the word give. We'll build on that in the future. But I want you to build that generosity from the beginning.Build that patience and build that enjoyment all at once. This is something that's simple and it's so easy to repeat. It doesn't have to be complex or forgotten.They will remember these jars for the rest of their lives. Give, save, spend. Teach them that every dollar has a job. Now, another thing you can do is use everyday moments as lessons.You said you didn't want to have lectures. Well, I don't want lectures either. The best lessons aren't scheduled lectures. They're ordinary moments.Like, for example, let's say you're at the store and you want to buy something at the store. You can show them how to compare prices. You can say to them, hey, you know what? This is one of those things maybe we got to wait for.Let older kids see a bill paid or a budget made. Let them look at your budget. Here's what we said we were going to spend, and here's what we actually spent.One of the things I love parents do is they narrate their own decisions out loud. Talk through that with your children, but now just don't burden them with it. But when you do that, money becomes normal. It's not scary anymore.It's the everyday conversation that they hear. I'm going to say something kind of silly here, but the grocery store is a better classroom than any lecture could ever be.But I want to say one more thing, and that's match the lesson to their age. So many parents burden young kids with stuff they don't need to be burdened with. You said you have kids from age 7 to 14.For those younger kids, I love coins and saving jars. Maybe you say to them, you really want that toy? Well, you've got to wait. You got to put that money in that savings jar.As kids get a little bit older, maybe your middle Children start giving them allowance, give them some budgeting tools and help them to save for a goal. And then once they reach those teen years. Yes, go out and get them a bank account. Explain to them the dangers of debt as they get that first job.Explain to them how they need to give every dollar job so you can see how that earnings build those lessons up as they grow. Kind of like grades in school. And by the time they leave home, they'll have years of practice that you never got.So teach them in layers and they'll leave home with what you had to learn the hard way. Now I want to dig a little deeper because you said something that kind of struck me. You called it hypocritical to teach what you're still learning.I call it something else. It's faithful parenting. Every good parent passes on wisdom. They're still growing into themselves. I'm still doing that to this day.I'm 53 years old and I'm still learning. And I'm sharing that with my boys who are adults now. Now here's the thing that faith doesn't promise us.It doesn't promise your kids never make money mistakes. Your kids are going to make money mistakes because guess what? You've made money mistakes. It doesn't promise they're going to listen perfectly.You could be the best teacher and they might still do things wrong. And it doesn't promise that you're going to teach it flawlessly, but you still got to do it. But here's what faith does promise us.The seeds of wisdom you're planting right now in your children. And hear me on this. They are going to bear fruit long after they've left your table. The Bible says it very clearly.Train up a child in the way that he should go and he won't depart from it. And training isn't some one time lecture. It's a daily patient modeling that you're already doing. Right now.You're planting those seeds and you might not see those seeds bloom until adulthood. That's the coolest thing I see with my kids. Sometimes I think about those seeds that I planted and I see them start to grow.Now God has entrusted these kids to you and he's going to honor your faithfulness. So teach them as you learn, plant the seeds patiently and trust God with the harvest in their lives.You're not a hypocrite for teaching while you're still learning. You're just being a faithful parent. And the fact that you care this much means that your kids are already ahead.Because you're breaking a pattern and you're planning something better. So here's your win for today. I want you to go ahead and set up those Give, Save, Spend system with your kids this weekend.Grab three jars or envelopes, whatever's easier for you, and label them. Give, save and spend and explain. Every dollar they get gets divided among those three things.If there's only three jars, they've only got three choices. And then start with their next allowance or maybe the next time they get a birthday gift or something like that.You're not trying to teach everything today. Just make one habit visible and real. And remember this, kids remember what they do, not what they're told.Which leads us right to today's Bible verse I've kind of already mentioned. It's Proverbs 22, verse 6. It says, Direct your children unto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.This is the promise behind every money lesson you teach. That direction now shapes the path they'll walk as adults. It's not just this week's allowance. You're setting a lifelong trajectory for them.The training you're giving today is an investment that I'm telling you is going to outlive you. Let's pray together right now. Heavenly Father, I bring before you a parent who wants to give their children the wisdom they never received.And Lord, right now they're worried that they're not qualified. But you and I both know that their heart is full of love, Lord. So I would just ask that you would equip them right where they are, Lord.Give them patience to teach through everyday moments and to model honestly and help their children grow, not some false sense of perfection. Help them to plant those seeds of generosity and those seeds of saving, Lord.And those seeds of wisdom deep into their children and break any pattern of money struggle before it reaches the next generation. Let the lessons taught now bear fruit for a lifetime to come. And we ask this in Jesus name, Amen.Now, you came in today feeling unqualified, but you're leaving knowing you're already the best teacher they have. You don't have to be perfect. You just need to be honest. You need to be intentional and you need to be present. So here's my takeaways for today.Let them see you learning. Give them money to manage. Teach them that give, save, spend. Use those everyday moments. Match the lessons to their age.And if you're dealing with a financial situation or you want a little guidance, I love to hear from you.You can send me a voicemail by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail we'll put a link in the show notes, but again, that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail thank you for joining me today as I always encourage you stay financially savvy out there. May God bless you and you have a truly great day. We.